ED: This Op-Ed appeared in the “Oredigger” student newspaper at the Colorado School of Mines, 1 October 1980.
Letters from Kameroun. –
I swallowed the first of a hoped-for series of American Presidential Debates last Sunday—actually two Sundays, by the time this makes it to the paper, maybe 37—with a liberal nightcap of ouzo and a handful of New York-manufactured Quaaludes. Couldn’t tell which affected me most.
The acerbity of the underdawg, the white-knighted JA (John Anderson) seemed almost overbearing (I was told by reliable sources that he uses coke on his hair); if only he wasn’t telling the truth about old Silk-Ties himself, the Right Reverend Reagan. The bumbling around on the issues was the only debacle that exceeded the inanity that the rag-tag questioning panel exhibited. I kept hoping that someone (Barry Commoner?) had slipped acid into the movie star’s glass of water so he would break into a tremulous soprano rendition of the Star Spangled Banner at the conclusion of his tear jerking (what else?) 3-minute wrap-up that literally shoved a Bud and an American flag into the hand of every blue collar worker over 40 while it took away the life-insulating dope from those under. Judging from the frequent driving references to the Military School for Boys in Texas, it was evident that Reagan’s 43-Anacin-a-day wife was pressuring him to tell all about his pederastical conniving with John Connally.
You know, I find it a shame that prime-time TV—that nipple of half-truths that suckles the Publis Americanus—has the gall to preempt Walt Disney to provide such a spectacle. It’s incredible! Oh my God, I can’t even escape into literary S&M butchery to help myself, or the world, either. However, I still am thankful that I was able to build a satellite dish out of dead cow bones here in the Peoples Republic of Kameroun to receive such gems of American Parody. If only I could transmit. Actually, if Jimmy permanently-on-the-rag-and-sulking Carter (The present US President) had appeared, I may not have had the stomach to tune back into “10” on HBO.
Well, I’ve got to run now—I’m expecting an urgent visit from Richard Wirthlin and Pat Caddell to discuss the Polish vote—think I’ll have to set a few more places at the mirror.
Respectfully submitted, Vecomo de Legato
P.S. I really got tired of shooting up in the backwoods of Mexico — it’s such a drag to continually find boxes of Post Toasties with coupons for “The Complete Jean-Paul Sartre” hardback edition littering the veranda. Africa is the place to be…