
What was I thinking? Dunno. What am I thinking? Gone, in the instant that the next version of the monkey-brain is implemented through a core-dump. Reality? Relative, transitory. To know? A defunct notion.
As work-for-cash becomes an ever more complex burden of coaxing information from data: brain seizes, falters, forgets, fails. Colleagues exhibit various states of disconnect and disinterest in what they do. Is this a post-Covid malaise, or what? This while almost everyone else I know—acquaintances, friends, family—are feverishly traveling, hither and yon, while, simultaneously, the conditions for climate change accelerate. Both young and old, there seems to be no room for adjustment from the status of what we were, what we had, what we consumed before the world seemed to falter, shudder, and succumb to a systemic fever dream.
I can no longer maintain remote communications and time passes ever more swiftly. I do not see a solution. I can’t manage. The alienation is complete. I cannot even keep track of the scope of those folks who I have lost contact with. Did they make it through Covid alive?
A decade ago I was actively engaged in Europe after finishing up the PhD in Melbourne and following a couple semesters teaching at CU. That was the last time I was a salaried educator (in the US), with the exception of the many invites I got to participate as learning facilitator during the three months I was in Finland, Estonia, Germany, Netherlands, the UK, and elsewhere. Good times gone. What a difference a decade makes.
Any “spare” time is spent (oh, how I despise market terminology!) in the maintenance of the house and yard. Easier to deal with the yard. Any task that I can chant away. A random four-bar sequence playing on infinite loop in braincase while engaged in a repetitive task: the meditative potential is high when the incipient material state is predictable and easily grasped on the surface: the psycho-spiritual potential to change the world, significant.
This mental laziness keeps more complex house tasks at bay: computational, multi-step planning, considerations of material use, configuration, and possible errors. Stasis: when time accelerates. Rictus: is it fun yet?
Overall, this is an unsustainable situation. Somethin’s gotta give! But what, precisely?