how many?

How many days have I been doing this? gah. Not sure it’s sustainable much longer. Although I am scheduled to finish well before the 3.5-year study limit (actually just approaching the 2.5-year marker since it all started in Sydney in ’09), it seems like a friggin’ eternity of sitting in front of the screen. and I think I’m goin’ to hell, thoughtlessly: righteous thanks George, for pointing the following out. you are spot-on again! (though I am certain that the truths contained in the dissertation are veiled by a cloak of passivity, argh!)

A petty bureaucrat writes to his superior: “The lighting must be better protected than now. Lights could be eliminated, since they apparently are never used. However, it has been observed that when the doors are shut, the load always presses hard against them as soon as darkness sets in, which makes closing the door difficult. Also, because of the alarming nature of darkness, screaming always occurs when the doors are closed. It would therefore be useful to light the lamp before and during the first moments of the operation.” The bureaucrat was the ironically named “Mr. Just,” his organization the SS, the year 1942.

What Mr. Just did not write–what he would have written, had he been taking full responsibility for his own prose–is: “To more easily kill the Jews, leave the lights on.” But writing this would have forced him to admit what he was up to. To avoid writing this, what did he have to do? Disown his prose. Pretend his prose was not him. He may have written a more honest version, and tore it up. He may have intuitively, self-protectively, skipped directly to this dishonest, passive-voice version. Either way, he accepted an inauthentic relation to his own prose, and thereby doomed himself to hell.

Working with language is a means by which we can identify the bullshit within ourselves (and others). If we learn what a truthful sentence looks like, a little flag goes up at a false one. False prose can mark an attempt to evade responsibility, or something more diabolical; the process of improving our prose disciplines the mind, hones the logic, and most importantly, tells us what we really think.

Saunders, G., 2007. The Braindead Megaphone: essays, New York, NY: Riverhead Books.

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